At The End Of That Long Dark Internet Tunnel, There Resides A Real Person
There are times when you just feel like you need to make a major change, and evidently some of these times also require a public service announcement to go with it.
Here's mine:
I've decided that from now on my new adjectives will be:
Cool/Awesome
If you'd like to refer to me when I'm not in the room, you may use my given name or the above-mentioned adjectives.
Please do not use my old adjectives, as they are not nearly as cool or as awesome as my current adjectives.
Thank you.
Ok, this is obviously a joke, and I know at least one other person who even thought it was a funny joke (other than me, I mean). And for the record, that person was not my wife, so you can rest assured that there is indeed someone keeping me accountable here. A moderating voice is a rare treasure.
As is customary for me these days, I tend to post these random thoughts on social media if I think it's worth sharing. As you might expect, this goes over reasonably well in some groups, and not so well in others, but interestingly, it's the times it doesn't go over that usually spark the best conversation. I mean, if everyone simply says, “Ha, good one!” then there isn't much to talk about, is there?
Inevitably, someone had to show up and make this comment:
Unfortunately, knowing the ideology or ignorance (in the truest meaning of the word) that must be held to make such a statement, it inherently precludes you from being neither cool nor awesome.
Other than correcting a couple of grammatical errors on this comment, I had to admire what was said, or at least the way she said it. I decided I wouldn't push it too much and simply asked her if she was telling me that I'm not allowed to have my own adjectives.
She replied that I definitely am allowed to have my own personal adjectives (this was actually news to me, but now that I know this, I may explore this concept further). She then qualified the statement by saying that in the current political climate, I obviously made this decision in order to “take a shot” at certain individuals and that it was up to her as someone who “has not been impacted by pronoun usage” to push back on this tomfoolery so that I couldn't “deflect accountability” onto some unfortunate that might be offended at the joke. She went on to say that this type of humour is only effective when those who know better let it go unchallenged.
So, this was actually somewhat refreshing to me, since the way these things normally go is more like a mock trial ending in digital execution. Or at the very least with an instant verdict of transphobe, bigot, or some form of denier or hate-criminal.
What most people don't expect in conversations like this is someone who genuinely likes to be challenged on his or her beliefs. I am a person like that because I really do want to get at the truth and I try very hard to not let rigid ideologies dictate what I believe. I think that's lazy, and a sure way to be deceived into believing something that's less than true. It's also easily apparent when someone is arguing from that position. So, being the motivated person that I am, I decided to take her up on the challenge.
She was perfectly correct in her assumption about the reason I made the comment. Obviously I realize some people seem to genuinely believe that they require different pronouns than the rest of us. And obviously I think that's ridiculous. I also think it's ridiculous that I would suddenly, on a whim require everyone to address me as Cool and Awesome, but that's the joke.
By the way, another way to kind of wreck the joke is being forced to explain it to your listeners, but I pressed on nonetheless.
I explained to her that even if I honestly believe that I really am cool and awesome, in reality I still need to rely on how others see me in order to acquire those adjectives for real. That's also the joke. And that just because I see myself a certain way, I can't realistically require everyone else to see me that way as well without some sort of proof - i.e. I can't expect you to just take my word for it if it's not obvious.
The word “woke” has been used to describe a lot of this nonsense. Of course there's a long history on the word which I'm not going to get into here, but regardless, it has very different connotations depending on who's using it. Personally I don't really like the word, but there is a "movement" (I suppose you could call it that) that seems to go a little (or a lot) beyond the bounds of what the majority consider to be acceptable. And I guess it kinda needs a name, so "woke" is as good a name as any. This movement has very little to do with left or right in terms of politics, so it's hardly just the "alt-right" that are unhappy with it (as some would have us believe).
The fact is, there are many ways to say the same thing, but I think humour is usually the best choice. It needn't change the message, but at least it makes it more fun (for some people, anyway). People are always going to disagree, but there's no reason we have to hate each other over it (also contrary to what we're being told).
I've done a bit of writing on this topic and sometimes it's pretty confrontational. I don't really give a lot of room for people's "feelings" because it literally doesn't matter what you say these days, it's going to offend someone anyway, so I just don't worry about it.
By the way, this particular Facebook conversation ended amicably enough, with each of us explaining our positions about it clearly and politely, so that was also refreshing. And this is really the crux of the whole issue - the fact that on the other end of that internet wire (or whatever it is) is a real person, with real problems and real hopes and dreams and whatever else real people have.
Most of the people I know who are vehemently against this Woke movement (or even just somewhat against it), are not at all against people simply doing what they want, or attempting to be what they want to be. Nor am I. This is one of the founding principles of our country and one of the big reasons that people still want to come here. I think what irks people is the implied assumption that there is no room to even have an opinion that differs from the “correct” opinion. And really, that there even is a “correct opinion”. It's a little weird when an oxymoron becomes the arbiter of discussion - and especially when said discussion is being engaged in by so many actual morons. And then there's this idea that not only are we to agree 100% with these opinions, but that we are also expected to be complicit in the deception.
As horrified as so many people are of discussing these matters, that is precisely what's needed if we ever hope to move past these differences, because differences aren't going away. In fact, the more diverse we get, the more differences there will be. That's kinda what “diverse” means, after all.
It's a scary thing when “diversity" is touted as the all-important goal by the same people who seemingly have such low tolerance for any ideas that differ from their own. Talk about a powder keg waiting for a match.
The bottom line here is that just because someone disagrees with you, it doesn't mean they hate you, and it doesn't even necessarily mean that they're not open to discussing it, though again, we've been conditioned to believe the opposite. Breaking through this barrier requires courage - from both parties. It will never be accomplished with meaningless slogans repeated ad nauseum and it will never happen as long as we are ruled by fear. Any message worth sharing is going to be received much better if it's at least coated in something sweet. And even if you don't convince anyone, at least they'll know you're not an asshole and they might even remember what you said because of it.
Although this was written while looking at myself, don't think for a moment that it doesn't go just much for the people who would be so quick to hand down those colourful verdicts.
Enter the floating Mary Poppins and cue the music:
🎶A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down, medicine go down, medicine go down🎶
There are ways to get your message across without ripping people to shreds and though I don't always accomplish it the way I'd like to, that's always my goal. Sometimes all it takes a little more thought.
Further reading:
Thank you Ken. A great article. It is indeed important to remember that we can disagree without ripping each other to shreds, as you put it. And for the record, you can count another person (that would be me) who thought your joke was funny. :)